10 Dec 2016

Shritika Bhardwaj

From Not Okay to Being Okay

So how does it starts, there is a voice that says, “I’m not okay, I’m really am not okay. But, I’m trying to be, I really am.”


Then you try to ignore the pain, you try to be deaf but, you can’t fight these voices in your head. They just seem to keep taking over, you try to be optimistic and hold on to fate, you do that like for an hour and then you just get back again to this black pit. You have family and friends, they’re here for you, but the thing is that really don’t have yourself.


Many times life puts you in situations where your brain gets sick, heart gets shattered and mind gets messed up, you end up hating yourself.  You think of yourself as a bundle of flaws, because you keep messing things up and can’t do anything right. You tend to disappoint people, but mostly, in the end you disappoint yourself, yes you read it right, in the end you get disappointed with yourself. 


You are now so tired of everything, tired of crying over the same things and memories, all this eats you, it kills you slowly. Being alive turns out to be exhausting for you, every single fucking day is not about living to the most, it’s merely surviving and it’s tiring for you now. This entire pessimistic outlook gives birth to this thought that you are such a failure and can’t achieve anything, or make yourself or anyone proud. You might fail at a few things, but that really is not the end of life, it's just another chapter or a new book and it might be a new beginning. 


Many people feel that one day they are happy, but suddenly they realize that things are getting bad again, why is it like this? Happiness is fucking temporary, but pain is not? Really people, I don't think so, both things can be temporary, if happiness is temporary so is pain, nothing lasts for long, it really doesn't. Both things are always there, they never leave. 


Think of yourself as you are getting better, that you are healing, and you will be okay. Don't be so insecure about everything, especially about how you look and how you do or how are your grades and life? Remove the thoughts like, "I don’t want to wake up anymore or if I could simply just run away from everything or die from starving", "Why can’t I be like them?", "Why can’t I be other people? I’m tired of being me". Why think this way? When life is a beautiful gift, enjoy it because you are different, so just be yourself. You are no piece of trash, pathetic and worth-less; you are just a lost diamond, whom someday a good keeper will find. Love yourself and live the most.